| | i feel so sick to my stomach. i'm not trying to be dramatic. or make something of nothing. and maybe i don't really know what i really want. and maybe i'm just emotional. maybe that's all it really is.i dont know, but i gotta say, those tears came from somewhere within me from a part i couldn't quite feel before. they came from somewhere that felt something...for you. and i didn't even know. and maybe i'm being dramatic, and a little emotional. and maybe we became to vulnerable. but it was so easy to. and i feel so sick right now, because i feel like i'm being a fool. a fool for not choosing you. right now. and maybe you're right. maybe it was just in the moment. a series of moments progressively more intimate than the last ones that have lead us here right now. and i wonder if i have felt this way before. have i hurt like this before? maybe it is a little less painful than the first time. a little less painful due to our calloused hearts. and that look in your eyes. disappointment in a hope you held against your philosophy. like this time it coulda been different. i have failed. i've become that girl. that willow girl. that untrustworthy girl.
but i never would have asked you to change. because i like you. just the way you are. and i loved that you became vulnerable with me even against your better judgement...and i will never take that for granted. ever.
i dont know whats happened in these last few weeks. i dont know how to explain it. but i do know, that even tho i denied the feelings before, i got butterflies every time we kissed. and when you looked at me. and tilted your head to the side. and i didn't even really know if your feelings were for real until now, but now i know....my sister told me that i shouldn't call you. that i should give you space. and that will be really hard. this hurts more than i would have imagined it would.
i'm a little messed up. i've made a lot of mistakes. i have feared you knowing me really, for fear that you would leave. or stop liking me. i'm not gonna be perfect, and i would never expect you to be either. i dont know why i have to try to build up this persona of myself of the sweetest girl on the block. i'm fooling myself. and using it lightly. i wish you could love me anyway.
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| | Posted 2/2/2009 1:55 AM - 3 Views
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